They say when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
Over the years my dating life has handed me so many lemons that my otherwise sweet nature has been soured. Relationships are like a can of worms; I’ve always hoped as hell for a few caterpillars to come my way but invariably I end up with creepy crawlies.
My first serious boyfriend gave me anxiety fit for war veterans. His blow-hot-blow-cold love left me questioning my sanity all the time. One day I was a goddess he couldn’t live without, the next day I was too clingy for his comfort. Confused and defeated, I left with whatever little dignity my 21 years of existence allowed.
A few years later I met Mr. Perfect. He was kind, considerate, and even bought me flowers. But he had a temper. Anything less than me singing his praises from the rooftops would set him off. His mother would do it, so why couldn’t I? He broke it off saying that I didn’t deserve him. Shattered that I had thrown away the best thing that ever happened to me because I couldn’t appreciate it enough, I moved on.
Along the way came my intellectual soulmate. The man who would make love to me with only his words. Literally. We would have endless discussions on geopolitics, feminism, and spirituality. We would dream together of a socialist, equitable society, and tweet relentlessly at the despots of the world. He ignited the flames of revolution in my soul, but stir my desires, he did not. He believed that his intellect was too far evolved to be at the mercy of his basic instincts. So, we were celibate, because there was power in conquering passion. I left him feeling ashamed of my powerless soul body that wanted more than just intellectual stimulation.
I rebounded on dating apps.
No prizes for guessing how that turned out. It was a series of uninteresting, unfortunate incidents that ranged from lending shitloads of money to a shitty date, to being schtuped into buying life insurance from a hustler who wouldn’t take no for an answer. So, I broke off with the app. Uninstalled for life!
It’s been years since I last indulged my pretty little heart in a serious relationship. I’ve gone from looking for love, to loving myself. And this is probably the most consistent and rewarding relationship I’ve ever had. No longer am I at the mercy of anyone else to make me feel happy or loved. And it feels amazing.
I must confess that I do have my weak moments, but I’ve learned to deal with it. I’m still hopeful about love though, maybe the best is yet to come, but until then I have promised myself not to let my mental wellbeing be at the mercy of a weak human being. All good things come to those who wait right? And I have all the time in the world, with the best company I could ask for, myself.
Wouldn’t you agree?