I am a feminist and I believe that women have submitted to men and their needs long enough and have forgotten what they want. Meanwhile, I enjoy the laidback sex with my husband– just sitting and relaxing is so much better than being on top (and stressing over performance). And he is also perfectly happy with it. Feminism and sexual submission. Should this put me in a moral dilemma? Am I a bad feminist?
Contrary to the popular opinion, my sexual submission can perfectly coexists with my feminist sensibility. Do you know why? Because that is my choice.
And in simple words, feminism is the advocacy of the equality of the sexes. It fights outdated gender norms and gives ‘both the sexes’ equal rights to choose. Feminism is neither a false sense of entitlement, nor hatred for men, it is just a demand for equal, basic rights.
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Another important aspect of feminism is that it does not entail shunning femininity. A woman can choose to be whoever she wants to be. She can like whoever she is attracted to and prefer whatever she enjoys to do, without it affecting her feminist outlook to life.
Since feminism focuses on equality, if both the partners are happy in bed, then it doesn’t matter who is on top.
But the actual reality is far from equality. From time immemorial, the only norm that the society is comfortable with, is men being in charges of the bedroom and women, mere objects of their dominance with no quest at all for their own sexual preference or pleasure.
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The popular media has very conveniently strengthened this norm, with imagery, plots and songs form Indian film industry advocating female submission.
Coming back to my submissive sexual self, I feel pleasure is the most important part of this relationship. If the sex is consensual, it means it is an equal relationship, which is what feminism upholds. It requires both partners to give permission to each other to be either submissive or dominant at that particular moment – of course the roles can change the next time.
So, if you are a feminist indeed, it’s time to know (if you don’t already) how you like it in bed. Take turns being submissive and dominant to find out!
What do you think you are – a submissive or dominant in bed?
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