Do you worry about your sexuality? Does it bother you that maybe you are ‘different’, but you don’t know what to do about it?
Having questions about your sexual orientation is ok, being confused is ok, and talking about it is absolutely ok. Most people struggle with this for some time, and it usually happens in the teenage when you begin to explore your sexual side. Being confused or unsure of your sexual orientation can even come at a later stage in life because your sexuality keeps evolving over time.
Sexual orientation or sexuality is how you feel about yourself. It is not just about who you are attracted to, but rather about who you are and how you choose to make connections – both emotional as well as physical as a consequence of your sexuality.
Sexual Orientation Vs Gender Identity
Before we explore the gamut of sexual orientations it is important to know the difference between Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity. Sexual orientation is how and who you interact with sexually. Gender Identity is how you identify with yourself vis-à-vis others. These two are distinct from each other and both can evolve and change over time.
Understanding your sexuality and accepting who you are can be daunting and confusing, especially if you have limited access to information, support, and fear discrimination. Just like the colours of the rainbow, there are many different types of sexual orientations that people identify with.
LGTBQIA+ landscape and some answers
Below are some broad definitions of the acronym, see if you find yourself in any one (or more):
Lesbian: Women who have sexual attraction towards other women only identify themselves as lesbians.
Gay: Being gay means that you are attracted to people of the same gender as you are. It is usually used to describe men who are attracted to men, but women or lesbians also identify as gay.
Bisexual: Bisexual or bi people are attracted to more than one gender. As a person who identifies as bi, you can have sexual encounters with people who can be the same gender as you or not.
Transgender: A trans person is someone who identifies with a gender other than the one that they are assigned to at birth. Trans people often transition to the gender they identify with and have heterosexual relationships. But transgender is also a broad term that includes nonbinary and genderqueer.
Queer and Questioning: Queer is an umbrella term that encompasses all sexual orientations other than heterosexual. However, this term is often used as a slur against the LGBTQIA+ community and they have worked to reclaim it and use it as a general term to encompass a complex, vibrant, and diverse community.
Questioning is used to describe people who are in the process of discovering their sexual orientation.
Intersex: Intersex is a term used for people who are born with bodies that don’t fit into the male/female gender binary. It is not a sexual orientation but comes under the LGBTQIA+ umbrella.
Asexual: Asexual or ‘ace’ as they like to call themselves are people who do not have sexual feelings towards any gender. Asexuality is considered a spectrum which essentially means how sexual you determine what part of the spectrum you are at.
Plus +: The plus sign at the LGBTQ acronym is there as a recognition of other sexual orientations such as Pansexual, Demisexual, Sapiosexual, and Skoliosexual. Pansexuals are attracted to people of all genders of people. This can be confused with bisexuals, but people who identify as bisexuals may not be attracted to all genders of people even though they are attracted to more than one. A Demisexual person is attracted to another person only when they have forged a strong emotional bond with them. The demisexual person can be of any gender, and who they are attracted to could also be any gender, the attraction for them is entirely dependent on the emotional connection. Similarly, a Sapiosexual is a person for whom attraction is based on intellectual chemistry. Physical beauty is irrelevant and sapiosexual people are drawn to the mind rather than the body. Skoliosexual is a term that refers to persons who are attracted to persons who identify as trans, nonbinary, or genderqueer.
No discussion on sexual orientation is complete without talking about being ‘straight’. In case you’re wondering, a straight person is a heterosexual male or female who is sexually attracted to members of the opposite sex.
Navigating through the many different sexual orientations and understanding your own can be a difficult journey. There’s so much information out there and as someone who may be struggling to fit in, it can get overwhelming. Society also adds its unique pressures, and sometimes this can take ugly turns with bullying and discrimination.
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So how do you keep your sanity in check when all around you there is chaos because of who you are?
The fact that you are aware that you are different is a big step. The fact that you are bravely wading through and trying to find your voice is a bigger step. The best way to understand your sexual orientation is to talk about it. How you identify and what label you prefer is a conversation that you should be having constantly with a support group or a therapist or both. Most people find that ‘coming out’ to family and friends is one of the toughest things they have had to do. It is no easy conversation. But it is important. For your sanity and theirs. How you identify with yourself, and who you are attracted to is a deeply personal journey, one that requires acceptance and understanding. So, make sure that your circle of support comes from a place of love. More often the family is the one you get the most pushback from, be prepared for it. Go armed with information and if you need to have them in your corner then help them understand you with accessible resources and therapy.
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Embrace your true self
Exploring your sexuality, accepting it without shame, and embracing it is a personal journey. It can get confusing, it can get exhausting, and it may seem like an uphill battle because it is not easy to be different. But it also means that you are being true to yourself, by embracing your ‘queer’ you have opened yourself up to a world of wonderful experiences and meaningful relationships. Your sexuality is who you choose to be with, and if you discover that you don’t fit in the heterosexual mold then welcome to the pride parade. Being part of the amazing rainbow tribe is a privilege, one that comes from being at war with tradition, stereotypes, and labels. Breaking away has not been easy, but pride always shines, and so will you.
Are you still discovering your sexuality? Have you embraced it?
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